“I was in my office and an 11th grader came in all distraught worked up.  This is one tough kid– she’s had many troubles in her life, and has gotten into a lot of trouble too. She’s usually closed down and angry.  On the day she came into my office she was very upset — she’d had had a bad fight with a close friend who rejected her. She was angry and ready to strike out. I didn’t know what to do with her. She couldn’t sit still.  When I glimpsed The Workbook for Test Success …

on my desk. I said to the girl, “We’re just going to open this book to any page and start reading.” I had no idea where this was headed or how she’d respond, but it was so out-of-the-box that she went along with it.”

“I happened to open to the chapter on Confidence and I started reading. The girl was listening.  I read all about the negative things we tell ourselves, and how that makes us feel badly, and how we can get out of that terrible state by using three tools. She was listening to every word. When we got to the exercises she wanted to do them. I was amazed. We ended up talking for almost an hour.  The Workbook provided an extremely helpful way of getting the girl to look at herself, to think about her situation, and – most importantly—provide her with a positive, productive way of dealing with her self-esteem and the tests she faces in her life.”

The story makes a point:  the model of the three-legged stool is dynamic. That means that all the legs are important and no matter which one you work on—whether it’s your mind (as it was in this case), your body or your spirit, it’s going to have a positive and strengthening effect on the whole.

Try the “open-the-book-to-any-page” method and let me know what you find out about yourself.

Are you tense?

At a recent lecture I gave at the University of California San Francisco medical school, I was teaching the first year students how to use the calming tools:  breathing, grounding and sensing.

Breathing is by far the most important of all 9 tools in the performance model. So much has been said and written about breathing, and no wonder!  When we don’t breathe regularly it causes all sorts of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual problems.

After we worked on grounding, one of the students had a brilliant observation.  First, to remind you:

grounding means two things:  (1) feeling your feet on the floor and, if you are sitting, your body supported by the chair; and (2) releasing physical tension.

After practicing these two parts of grounding with the medical students one of them asked:  “Is the point of this that you don’t introduce tension into your system?”

This was a great realization: that we actually introduce tension into our systems by not grounding– by tightening up our shoulders, or our legs, or our hands, or our feet, or any part of ourselves.

When you are holding your breath or making your body tense you are actually trying to escape. It’s like you’re saying on the inside “Let me out of here!”  (the “flight” of “fight or flight”) .  When you breathe and ground you are keeping your system free of tension. You are, in the language I like to use, connected. You are not trying to escape. You are present to do what has to be done. This is essential for taking tests.

Observe yourself:  whenever you have an anxious thought about anything just notice what’s going on in your body. You are certainly holding your breath and/or you are making some part of your body tense. You are introducing tension into your own system.  The medicine:  breathe and release the tension. Repeat the process as often as necessary.  Doctor’s orders!

Keep observing,  keep using the tools.   Let me know what you find out and how it helps you.

Use a timer: you'll stay focused

Often people ask me “What’s the best way to stay focused?”

Here’s what I recommend:  use a timer. Whether it’s on your digital watch, your i-pad, your cell phone, or one that you set up on your computer, I’ve found the timer to be my biggest aide to staying focused.

The procedure goes like this:

Say you are studying for a test and you’ve devoted 2 hours for your study time.  The worst thing you can do is to study for the two hours without a stop.  Why?  Research shows that optimal concentration time on any one thing is between 20-40 minutes.

First: decide on your goal for the whole study period. Say it’s to cover a chapter for an upcoming test. Make sure that the goal is realistic for the time allotted. Next, break the task up into small manageable chunks. Set the timer for 25 minutes.  Start working.

When the timer goes off take a 5 minute break:  have a glass of water, do a stretch, take a breath of fresh air. Do not get on your email or cell phone or have a big meal.  Just a 5 minute break!  Then, back to the desk, set the timer again for 25 minutes.  Accomplish the next task to reach your goal.  After the 25 minutes take another 5 minute break.  Repeat this for the second hour.

You will be amazed at how much you accomplish. The timer is a tool: a friendly reminder to stick with what you are doing, with the gentleness of knowing you’ll have a short break in a little while.  Try it. It works!

Cheating is not an option

The New York Times ran a story recently titled: Pressed to Show Progress, Educators Tamper with Test Scores. The article is about teachers supplying their students with test questions and in some cases, changing the answer sheets, all to raise their students’ scores.

Why would a teacher, a role model for his or her students, take such a drastic action?

The answer is clear:  “test stress.”

Testing in America– and in many countries around the world–is so stressful that teachers “feel their schools’ reputation, their livelihoods, their psychic meaning in life is at stake,” says Robert Schaeffer, of FairTest.

Something is  badly out of balance if teachers are cheating.  Testing should be formative– students should learn from the process– not just about the subject matter, but about themselves.  If they are learning that cheating is an option,  that is unacceptable– not just for the teachers doing it, but for our society that perpetrates such high-stakes, over-the-top stress to cause this to happen.

This should be a wake-up call to President Obama and his Secretary of Education Arne Duncan to  take a good hard look at what testing is really doing to students, teachers and parents.  Before we get even further into this mess with more and more testing,  let’s ask the question: are we really measuring student achievement with all our tests or are we just giving people opportunities to find any means possible to get the highest scores?

Sadly, I believe it’s the latter.

Again, testing should be transformative. Students can learn how to be calm,. confident and focused when they take a test, and these skills will transfer over to any challenge in life.  Cheating does none of that and worse.

The President and perseverance

President Obama delivered the commencement address at Kalamazoo Central High School on June 7.  His speech roused the graduates to consider the future they are holding in their hands.  Here’s what the President said:

Now, graduates, all these folks around you, I have to say, though, with the cameras and the beaming smiles — they’ve worked hard to give you everything you need to pursue your dreams and fulfill your God-given talent.  Unfortunately, you can’t take them with you when you leave here.  (Laughter.)  No one is going to go

follow you around making sure that you’re getting to class on time, making sure you’re doing your work.  Nobody is going to be doing that for you.  Going forward, that’s all on you — responsibility for your success is squarely on your shoulders.

What does “responsibility for your success” really mean?  To me it means having a goal and taking actions that get you to your goal. It means being focused. Most often, up through high school, we are carrying out what someone tells us to do. But as we leave high school the terrain shifts. We have to take charge of our own goals: to be able to define them and to work towards them. This can be challenging or downright difficult if we are used to doing something only “because we have to.”   The shift is to do something because you want to. It means having a dream– your dream– and working towards it.  It means being able to recognize when you are becoming distracted and how to get yourself back on track. Successful people are focused: they are clear on their goals, and they stay connected through consistent action until they reach their goal.  Success means “happy outcome,” and that is what happens when you reach your goal through your own hard work.

The President went on to say, “…meaningful achievement, lasting success — it doesn’t happen in an instant.  It’s not about luck, it’s not about a sudden stroke of genius.  It’s not usually about talent.  It’s usually about daily effort, the large choices and the small choices that you make that add up over time.  It’s about the skills you build, and the knowledge you accumulate, and the energy you invest in every task, no matter how trivial or menial it may seem at the time.”

Look at your goals and ask yourself:  “Are these my goals or someone else’s?”  If they’re not yours you will lose motivation sooner or later. Once you are clear that you own your goals then ask yourself, “Am I doing the things I need to so I can reach my goal, or am I doing things that take me away [distraction]?  Be honest with yourself.   We have the example of a President who reached his goal through determined, focused action.  He did it.  You can.

The teacher, Steve Shramko, works at the Eastside Adult Education Program in San Jose, and has, over the years, recognized the need for material– “a curriculum” — that addresses the test taker, not just the test content.  “This is exactly what we need,”  Steve said, referring to the book.

Steve and I had an animated conversation, especially about how testing is disembodying and disempowering. “Students, especially ones who under-perform,” Steve said, “go into tests believing they are going to fail. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.  We need to turn that around.”  He immediately saw the relevance of engaging the spirit (focus) as well as the body (calm) and mind (confidence).

It is highly encouraging when an experienced educator sees the book as “the missing link.”  Thank you Steve Shramko! I see the workbook in the hands of students who can use the help through educators like Steve.

What do you do when this negativity surfaces? You may try to ignore it or hide it. You don’t want others to know you feel “less than”– after all, everyone else seems to be doing so well. So you’re humiliated, thinking there’s something wrong with you. Stop. Let’s start right here. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re having a confidence crisis. No more. No less.

“Confidence” is made up of two root words: “con” which means “with” and “fidence” which comes from the Latin that means faith, loyalty, fidelity, belief in, trust. When we lack confidence we don’t believe in ourselves.

The first tool for dealing with this is to confide the negativity. Tell a friend, a parent, a teacher, a counselor. If no one is readily available, confide in your higher self. Why is this necessary? Because if you keep all the negativity stuffed inside of you it just builds up and makes you feel worse.  You need to release it, let it out. Only then can you make space for something else — something positive –  to come in. In other words, don’t expect the negativity will just go away on its own. Let it out, let it go. Next, your confidant will reflect back to you something accurate and positive about you –something they know to be true (”You have handled difficult situations before,” “You can figure this out,” etc.).  The reflection from the positive mirror is essential because up till now you are glued to the negative side. You need to get out of the grips of the negativity and receive a different message.  Once you’ve done that you are ready for the third tool –   envision taking small manageable steps, successfully, to correct the original negativity. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine each small step that you can take and see yourself taking them.

Say you’re facing a chemistry final next week. You think “No way, I can’t handle this.” That negativity can quickly mushroom and engulf you. As soon as you recognize you are going in that direction, use the tools (1) Confide: tell someone you trust, someone who believes in you, someone who has confidence in you, that you are having this negativity.  (2) Reflect: they will give you an accurate, positive message back (”You have taken on hard subjects and done well; you can do that with chemistry.”  Listen to this message, take it in. (Remember to breathe!).  (3) Envision the small manageable steps you need to take to get back on track. See yourself breathing, grounding, organizing your materials, reading through the first section of the first chapter. Whatever the small steps are for you. Once you recognize that any task can be broken down into small manageable steps, and you can see yourself taking each one successfully, you are moving in a positive direction. Confidence is regained in a steady and methodical manner.

Is there a challenge facing you right now that you don’t think you are up to? Let me know what it is. The tools are available for everyone, all the time.

Stop pulling your hair out!

Here’s a quick and vital tip:  when you are feeling stressed pay attention to your body.

Much of what we think of as stress is exactly that, thinking.  We start worrying about something that hasn’t yet happened (like an upcoming test) or fretting over something that has already passed (like the answers we put on the test this morning– Did I circle a or b?!).  As soon as this kind of thinking kicks in we start amping up.  We begin feeling anxious.

So here’s the tip:  the feeling is just that, a feeling, something that’s going on in our bodies. Yes, it might be

tripped off by a thought, but because we’re such a dynamic system (body/mind/spirit) one quickly triggers the next.

Pay attention to your body means just that. When you are feeling stressed ask yourself where is this going on in my body? Is your gut tight? Are your shoulders hiked up? Is your fist clenched? When you ask the question and pay attention you’ll quickly get to the place where you are making yourself feel stressed.

The thought is just a thought. Thoughts comes and go.  Come and go.  It’s what we do with them– particularly how we physicalize them without even realizing– that make us feel stressed.

And once you’ve located the place your tensing up:  use the 3 tools for calming down:  breathing, grounding  and sensing. It’s all in Chapter 4: Calm Down.  You can do it.  You just have to do it.

Send me your challenges… and stories.

Business leaders from all over the world who work for social change are coming together and the sparks will fly!  (talk about Spark Avenue!)

My intention is to partner with non-profits to get The Workbook for Test Success into the hands of under-served students, teachers and parents who could really use it but can’t afford it to buy it. We will find corporate and philanthropic sponsors to make a donation, in the form of seriously discounted books, so the non-profits can give them away and also retain a fiscal sponsor fee.

The book came out in October and is already well into its second printing. The Los Angeles Public Library just bought 498 books, most to give away to students in motivational events.  The letter of recommendation from the Senior Librarian couldn’t be better.

There is also a great opportunity for kids to sell the book: they will get trained in the model for test success, turn on other kids around the country and the world, and make money doing it. It’s a big win-win-win-win for everyone.

The reviews on Amazon are glowing.  Check them out.

This has been a dream-in-the-making for many years, now being launched!  I’m thrilled about the Summit and looking forward to meeting and working with anyone who want to empower kids to succeed.  If you’re attending the Summit and want to get together contact me.

How often I hear this from students, teachers and parents.  And how often I think this myself!

From students it’s about homework, assignments, tests, keeping up with the schedule, all those after school and extra curricular activities. Pile it on!   Parents and teachers have their own litanies.

I get the feeling pretty often that most of us are stressed out most of the time! Or, to be more exact…

all of us get stressed out some of the time.

True, each of us has an every growing to-do list of things that we need to do, or should have done. We need to meet deadlines and others’ expectations, not to mention all the goals we set for ourselves.

But along with all of this comes the line: “It shouldn’t be so hard.”

And that, I believe, is what really causes us to feel stressed out.  Why? Because when we say that, or believe it, we are not taking life as it is, and instead are wishing, wanting, hoping it would or could be different.  That’s what I call “disconnection.”

In the book I talk a lot about stress being a function of disconnection.  Here’s what I mean: yes, that to-do list has all sorts of stressors embedded in it, but they are not causing the stress. After all, a test is just a piece of paper with the letters “t-e-s-t” on top.

The test is not making you feel stressed out. (It’s just a piece of paper!).  What’s really making you stressed out is that you disconnect from what you need to do (answer the questions) with the thought “It shouldn’t be so hard.”    That’s like being in a river and trying to jump out of it. The river is flowing (the test is going on), better you should swim with the current than fight it.

I wonder sometimes where we get the idea “It shouldn’t be so hard.”  I’m sure this is a complex question and subject, but in an era where you can get information about anything in a matter of mere nano-seconds, where you don’t have to leave your couch to shop, where you can watch four television programs at once, everything seems to be so easy.

Well, truth is, life is a series of tests and challenges—specifically to help us to grow, to be stronger, to become who we are meant to be.  And this means life, and all its tests, is hard sometimes.

Better to jump in, keep your eye on the ball, play the game, toil and sweat, and come out all the stronger, clearer, more determined to serve the world.

So when you think “It shouldn’t be so hard,” listen to the other inner voice and you’ll hear something quite different:

“You can handle it.”

And you can. moment-by moment.

Let me know when you feel things shouldn’t be so hard, and what you do about it.