What's your body doing?

Let’s start out with this rule of thumb: 

When you are thinking of of an upcoming test (or anything else in the future), remember to breathe.

Here’s a very common experience for test-takers:  “My test is next Tuesday (or tomorrow). YIKES!” Your heart rate goes up, your blood starts rushing, your stomach wrenches. You know the routine.

I don’t know about you, but often, when I’m thinking about something that I have coming up later today or tomorrow or next week (and it doesn’t have to be as stressful as a test), I find myself getting a little amped up. What do I mean by “amped up”? 

When I check in with my body while I’m thinking about what I have to do, I do notice that maybe my heartbeat has speeded up, maybe a little sweat is breaking on my upper lip or my legs feel a little twitchy. What’s going on here? I think of it as launching myself into the future. As if I were a cannonball on my way to whatever the future event is, I’m speeding through the air, only to explode on the other end.

“Amped up” or “worked up” – whatever you call it –  it’s not a comfortable feeling. Some people think it’s energy that’s preparing you for the event. Yes, that’s true– to a point. But chances are you are simply getting a bit anxious—thinking about something that hasn’t happened yet and imagining all the possible scenarios and outcomes (how come most of those tend to be not-so-positive?)  While we can’t control what thoughts come to us—try not thinking about the test you have to take next week—we can, while having the thought about the future, stay calm.

The simplest way?  Just breathe. You notice you’re thinking about the test, you notice your stomach starts to knot up.  Stop. Breathe deeply down to your belly. Ground your feet on the floor. Open up your senses to what is around you right now. The future event (that pesky test) won’t go away, but all those anxious feelings will. And wouldn’t that be a relief?

Remember: it’s a 3 legged stool. Your mind-leg takes over and throws your body-leg and spirit-leg out of balance. Get back in touch with your body. I’ll talk about getting back in touch with your spirit in another post.

Let me know your experiences with getting “amped up”. What happens to do? What do you do for relief?

Anxiety: where are you feeling it?

This week I had an experience I’d like to tell you about.

I have a summer engagement working with professional actors who are recording the voices to a well-known video game.

In the middle of one of the recording sessions I found myself starting to worry about something. What I was worrying about isn’t the point here. The point is I was…

in the middle of an important job that required a high degree of focus and suddenly I became distracted.

At that moment, I noticed that my legs were feeling like they wanted to run away!  So I used the calming tools– I took a good deep breath and I grounded my feet on the floor. Instantly, the worrying thoughts went away and I was able to get back on track and give my full attention to my work.

How does this apply to you?  The next time you feel anxious I suggest that you look immediately to your body and ask yourself “Where am I feeling the anxiety, right now?” As soon as you recognize which part of your body is tense or unsettled, breathe deeply and ground that area.  “Grounding” doesn’t mean you have to touch the ground.  It means that you make a conscious intention to release whatever tension or stress you are feeling in that part of your body and you let it go, as it is releasing it down into the ground.  Example: say you’re reading a test prep book and you start thinking, “I’ll never get this, I won’t get a good SAT score,” and you start feeling anxious about your future. Stop!  Notice where you are having an unsettled or tense feeling in your body. You might realize you are clenching your fists,  or tightening your jaw.  Good!  Awareness is always the first step towards change.  Now, apply the tools: breathe (deeply down to your belly), and ground (open up your hands, let your fingers relax; let your jaw go)..

You’ll be amazed at what you discover when you pay attention to what your body is doing when you feel anxious. We confuse the thought we are having with the feeling. Remember: thoughts create feelings. In other words: if you have an “anxious thought” it’s going to make an anxious feeling somewhere in your body. Locate it.  Calm it down.  You’ll see that the anxious thought will just disappear.

Let me know about your discoveries.

Stop pulling your hair out!

Here’s a quick and vital tip:  when you are feeling stressed pay attention to your body.

Much of what we think of as stress is exactly that, thinking.  We start worrying about something that hasn’t yet happened (like an upcoming test) or fretting over something that has already passed (like the answers we put on the test this morning– Did I circle a or b?!).  As soon as this kind of thinking kicks in we start amping up.  We begin feeling anxious.

So here’s the tip:  the feeling is just that, a feeling, something that’s going on in our bodies. Yes, it might be

tripped off by a thought, but because we’re such a dynamic system (body/mind/spirit) one quickly triggers the next.

Pay attention to your body means just that. When you are feeling stressed ask yourself where is this going on in my body? Is your gut tight? Are your shoulders hiked up? Is your fist clenched? When you ask the question and pay attention you’ll quickly get to the place where you are making yourself feel stressed.

The thought is just a thought. Thoughts comes and go.  Come and go.  It’s what we do with them– particularly how we physicalize them without even realizing– that make us feel stressed.

And once you’ve located the place your tensing up:  use the 3 tools for calming down:  breathing, grounding  and sensing. It’s all in Chapter 4: Calm Down.  You can do it.  You just have to do it.

Send me your challenges… and stories.

Why are we stuck listening to the negative voice?

A student I am working with has a problem. Here’s what she says about it:  “Every time on a test when I’m not sure if my answer is right, I immediately have negative thoughts, ‘You’re not going to get this right,’ ‘You don’t know the material,” ‘You can’t figure this out.’ Why do I always think these negative thoughts?”

This is a great question and something I’ve wondered about for a long time. It’s a very common situation: in a difficult or doubtful situation most of us usually veer towards the negative. What’s going on?  In a series of posts I’m going to address this issue. Today we’ll look at one cause  and one method of dealing with it.

Notice first, the student says, in talking to herself, “You’re not going to get this right.” She doesn’t say, “I’m not….”  By saying “you” she’s looking at herself from the outside.  It suggests that she’s caught up in how others think of her. This is a habit that could have one of several roots: maybe she’s received negative feedback from teachers, parents, siblings, friends in the past; or she’s afraid of being seen negatively by others.  Whatever the reason, she’s suddenly outside of herself looking in. She’s out of the present.

Another way of putting it is that she’s disconnected from what she’s supposed to be doing: answering the question and moving on.  The negative thinking is not helping her.  And that’s the significant point, and what you should remember when you’re thinking negatively: it’s not helping you now.

When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, get yourself back in the present.

The best way to do this is to use two tools: breathing and grounding. Take a good deep breath to your belly and then feel your feet on the floor and your legs, back and butt supported by the chair.  Why is this important?  Because when you’re thinking negative thoughts you are minus-ing yourself. Taking yourself out of the present, putting yourself into what other people might think of you, and imagining the worst.

None of that is helpful.  What’s helpful is to read the question, think about it,  answer it and get on with the next one. And to be calm in the process.

Here’s a question for you:  what is your negative voice saying?  where do you think that’s coming from?  It’s helpful to do this. Here’s why. Once you frame it as something that has nothing to do with who and what you really are it goes a long way to weaken its influence on you. Besides, your responses will help me and the people who read this blog.  I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks! Go for it.

When I speak around the country I’m often asked to give some “quick tips.”  I’ve come to equate this term with “magic bullet”– in other words, “tell me something I can do right now to take away my anxiety,” “give me a pill, doc.”

There are two problems with that way of thinking: the first is that if you do something it’s just for “right now” and the second is the notion that something or someone can “take away” your anxiety.

i believe it’s better if you understand that your test anxiety is a habit– I want to say “just a habit”, but don’t want you think I’m minimizing it with “just”– but that’s what it is, a habit. In other words, you’ve built up a certain reaction to tests and that reaction is anxiety.  Every time you hear the word “test” or think about a “test” or take a “test”…. here comes the anxiety. Your body, mind and spirit are all conditioned, or habituated, to behave in a certain way around tests. So, along with “test” comes all this stuff of anxiety: rapid heart beat, self-doubt, distraction.

One of the great things about habits is that they are learned, and– here’s the really good news– one habit can be replaced by anotherl. (I don’t like to use “good” and “bad” with habits– I think some habits are helpful and some aren’t). In general anxiety is not a helpful habit — some blood pumping and energy boosting before and during tests is good and even helpful– but when it goes into the anxiety zone it’s not helpful.

If you want to reduce your test anxiety you need to put new habits in place– habits that help you calm down, feel more confident, and stay focused. That’s what the workbook is all about. Yes, it’s a book filled with “tips”– but they are really new habits to be practiced and learned. They don’t take away the anxiety, they replace it. with calm, confidence and focus.

Imagine yourself as you would like to be and work in that direction.

Send me your comments and questions and tell me about the habits that aren’t helping you and  that you would like to replace.

The calm, confident and focused teacher

As the health care debate nears some resolution (at least for the time being), the legislative agenda is already setting its compass to point towards education. A lead article in the New York Times titled “Obama Calls for a Major Change in the Education Law,” the President and his Secretary of Education Arnie Duncan are calling for a re-visioning of No Child Left Behind.

(see referenced article link to ‘Major Change in Education Law’)

One of the key features of the new policy is the focus on teachers and how they teach.

Quoting the article: The administration’s proposals would also rework the law’s teacher-quality provisions by requiring states to develop evaluation procedures to distinguish effective instructors, partly based on whether their students are learning.

I read this to mean: teachers are going to be tested. Big time. I don’t mean…

that they’re going to be sat down with test booklets and scantrons, but their very work itself will be under the microscope and evaluated. The test for teachers is going to focus on two questions: how are teachers going their jobs, and  effective are they?  Certainly, student performance will be an indicator of teacher success, but there will be a great deal more attention to how teachers are instrumental in making that success happen… or not.   This doesn’t have to do only with “teaching to the test,” but the way teachers carry out their jobs.  Do they instill confidence in their students? Do they motivate them staying focused so they can succeed? Do they show them how to be calm and centered in the face of ongoing challenges?

It’s the same three legged stool: calm, confident and focused. It’s the same platform for successful performance, whether you are a teacher, a student, a politician, an opera singer, or a pro athlete.

When a teacher is calm, confident and focused he or she radiates the qualities that every student needs to succeed.

Everyone wants to succeed. Everyone can learn to be calm, confident and focused. Our teachers light that light inside of each of us.

Help your child by calming down

If your child hates tests, life is hard for your child and for you. You worry along with them when they become severely anxious for any reason. You are frustrated when they won’t study. You believe you have failed as a parent when their test scores are lower than their peers’. You might be intensely angry at the school system—if not the whole culture—for putting so much weight on testing. It shouldn’t make your child suffer or put you in the position of worrying for them.

As the stress rises and your child’s performance worsens, you probably feel hopeless and helpless. You want to do something to…

make it all easier, but all you can do is shrug your shoulders. You need to learn how to help your child and this book provides you with a method.

Even if your kids are in college and supposedly out of your hands, they might still need some assistance from you if they continue to struggle with test issues. The information in this chapter will help you understand their long-standing problems. If your child is in primary or middle school, your sensitivity to the issues and knowing how to resolve them can make a big difference now and in the years to come.

As a parent, it is very easy to pick up on what your child feels and start feeling the same way yourself. (Also, of course, you have your own adult problems to cope with.) If your child is anxious, or sad, or angry you may quickly begin feeling the same thing even if you were feeling quite calm just moments before. In psychology we call this the “induced reaction”—you are induced into your child’s state. This is a very human response, especially with people who are close with one another like parent and child. You increase your chances of reducing your child’s stress if you learn how to keep yourself calm no matter what is going on with them.

Start by using the 3 tools for calming down: breathing, grounding and sensing.  Breathing means just that: keep your breath deep and steady.  Notice first, when you’re talking to your child about taking tests (the SATs are coming up!), or when you’re thinking about your child taking a test, that your breath probably becomes erratic. Actually, what you’ll notice first is that you feel amped up or anxious. That’s a sign you are not breathing deeply and steadily. So start there. Get your breath going down to your belly. Send it down to your lower back. Keep this going as you think about the test or as your child is going on (or being oblivious to) the test.  That’s right, just breathe. Deeply, steadily, continuously. You’ll see and feel what an enormous difference this can make– to you (you’ll feel calmer) and to your child (who’s amped up enough already and doesn’t need your anxiety in the picture too). Try it. I guarantee it works.

What are your struggles as a parent when your child struggles with tests?

Calm, confident, focused

On November 4, 2008, 66 million people elected Barack Obama the 44th president of the United States.
How did he, a young man with a brief resume, make this dream come true?

All the pundits weigh in: “He’s smart.” “He’s savvy.” “He put together a great team.” “He raised a phenomenal amount of money.” All true, but not the whole truth. Through my eyes as a performance coach I see something more fundamental.

Obama has all three traits that I discuss in this workbook. He is calm, confident and focused, and that makes people trust him and believe in him. He never loses his cool, he never seems dejected or bitter at a loss, and it certainly doesn’t make him lose steam and he is never off-message. Obama’s story is especially amazing when you take in the challenges he had to overcome—an African American with little money, virtually no experience on the international stage, and with the middle name Hussein.

Calm, confident and focused. To many this combination seems elusive and mystical, improbable to achieve. Not so. Barack Obama wanted the presidency and on the path to achieving his goal he had to pass many tests. He passed them all with these invaluable traits.

Not everyone wants to be president. But anyone can learn to be calm, confident and focused. We all have that potential.
You too can cultivate these qualities. You too can succeed at even the most difficult tests.

Let me show you how.

When you use The Workbook for Test Success you are investing in a tool kit. It will give you what you need — not only for the school tests you have to face — but for the tests we all face. The tests of daily life.

Share with us your stories of facing tests and being calm, confident and focused.

These discussions, Hernandez stated, gave the students “an intellectual diversion from preparing for the Maryland School Assessment, the examinations in reading and math that are a near-obsession for administrators and teachers.”

Hernandez goes on to describe the lively and engaging philosophical discussions — started by forward-thinking teacher Kathy Gregory — that students get into over lunch. To me what was most interesting was this activity is seen — at the school and by the reporter– as a balance to test prep.  After reading the article (which I recommend you do), you’ll see that in an activity like this one students are gaining exactly the foundation skills they need to be successful test takers. In other words, they are learning to be calm, confident and focused. This real life training is invaluable and it carries right over into test taking.

When students come together to discuss important issues, on which they have to take a personal stance, they need exactly the skills described in The Workbook for Test Success. It’s a living example of the 3 legged stool.

One of the biggest problems with standardized state tests (like the Maryland School Assessment or the STAR test in California) is that many students find it very hard to be motivated for these tests. My guess is that engaging group activities in school, like the one described in the article, aren’t a diversion, they are building performance and achievement skills that can serve as a springboard for wanting to do well in other activities (like standardized tests).

Thank you Nelson Hernandez for writing about uplifting, nurturing stories like this one. And thank you teacher Kathy Gregory– and Kenmoor principal Maha Fadli — for supporting student growth, To read the article go to: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/03/AR2010010301690.html?hpid%3Dtopnews

In the article, Ms. Sweet also referenced two other First Ladies and their performance anxiety. For Laura Bush it was about public speaking. Hillary Clinton recalled that at age 4 she came home crying to her mother because a girl was pushing her around. Her mother taught her to stand up for herself: “My mother was afraid that if I gave in to my fears, it would set a pattern for the rest of my life.”

That’s what we can learn from these great examples: when we give into our fears, and not just during test preparation, we set patterns, a k a habits — of backing down and backing away. Our loss of confidence and feelings of self-doubt contribute to physical tension and we become distracted from our goals. These can become life-long patterns, where we end up achieving much less than we ought to (than we are really capable of), all because of performance anxiety. Each of the First Ladies learned new patterns and went on to achieve great things.

Performance anxiety is a pattern built on habits: physical tension, self-doubt, distraction. If you want to reverse the pattern you learn the tools to create a helpful, growth-ful, empowering pattern. You learn to be calm, confident and focused.   Remember the 3 legged stool (Chapter 3 in my book).

Here’s the link to the article.  And please, send in your stories about your own patterns and how you are turning them around.

http://www.politicsdaily.com/2009/11/18/what-made-michelle-obama-anxious-and-nervous/

As one year makes way for another my dream is that all students cultivate their highest, brightest, shining selves. May they all learn to be calm, confident and focused, and become active contributing citizens to a just, peaceful and thriving world.